Oktober 30, 2009

“Public Love Affair”

Oktober 30, 2009
Terminal 3 Soekarno-Hatta Airport, sometimes in July 2009.

Penerbangan Air Asia yang kutumpangi tiba di Jakarta sekitar jam 8 malam. Saat turun dari pesawat, ada rasa membuncah di dadaku, aku akan bertemu dengannya. Lagi. Dia menjemputku.
Saat keluar dari pintu kedatangan, aku tak melihat sosoknya, tapi sms yang dia kirim saat aku masih berada di pesawat mengatakan kalau dia sudah di perjalanan ke bandara. “Hari jumat, Jakarta selalu macet” pikirku.
Suasana terminal 3 yang masih asing bagiku membuat mataku mencari-cari di kerumunan para penjemput. I can’t find him, but sure he’ll finds me. Itu dia, berjalan ke arahku saat aku keluar dari pagar batas para penjemput. Dia menciumku, seperti biasa. Rutinitas yang selalu kami lakukan saat bertemu, tak peduli saat itu kami ada di tempat umum. It’s called “Public Love Affair”.
Selama menunggu Xtrans [bus ‘elit’ yang mengeluarkan ongkos sedikit], aku tak bisa berhenti menciumnya, tangannya terus saja memeluk pinggangku dan aku tak bisa mengendalikan bibirku untuk tidak menyentuhnya. Padahal baru 2 minggu yang lalu kami bertemu, di Jakarta, tapi rasa rinduku tak terbendung. Saat Xtrans datang, kami melanjutkan acara ‘tempel bibir’ di dalam bus yang hanya berisikan 5 orang, termasuk kami dan supir.

Isn’t love is great when it come to beautiful things, such as make out? Menggelikan, tapi kegiatan ini sudah kami lakukan sejak pertama kali bertemu. And we just couldn’t stop.
That night is the happiest moment, aku datang untuk merayakan ulang tahunku bersamanya besok malam, tapi bagiku, bukan itu yang menjadi inti kedatanganku. Aku terlalu merindukannya.

Telepon berjam-jam, ongkos pesawat yang mahal, dan public love affair...
I miss all of that...much worse than it ever been.

Oktober 28, 2009

Repeat from the beginning

Oktober 28, 2009
Daripada bercerita kepada orang lain, dulu aku punya sebuah buku diary super tebal yang setiap halamannya bertuliskan kalimat “i miss you” dan “i hate you”. Aku selalu menuliskan setiap kalimat sesuai dengan suasana hatiku sampai rasa itu mereda, apakah aku sedang merindukanmu atau sedang membencimu, lalu menghitung kalimat mana yang lebih banyak ‘benci’ atau ‘rindu’. Tapi selalu saja kalimat “i miss you” lebih banyak. ^_^
You cannot tell how much you love someone until you count the words.

Jadi, hari ini aku memulai kembali...menggunakan kalimat yang berbeda, jauh lebih panjang. Maka ketahuilah, ini adalah caraku untuk melupakan sekaligus mengingatmu. And I dont counts anymore...[in case you asking me that question someday].

Aku membaca di sebuah novel, kalimat berbunyi “suatu saat, suatu cinta yang lain...”
Everything remains me of you..I was your sentimental love [just like the song “i love you for sentimental reason”]. Pathetic and enchanting at the same time. Alasan-alasan sentimentil itu akan menghilang seiring dengan waktu, berubah menjadi cinta yang lain, alasan sentimentil lain, untuk orang lain. Lagu itu tidak lagi dinyanyikan untukku.

Yang harus terjadi, maka terjadilah.
Apa yang sudah kita lewati, maka berlalulah.

Repeat from the beginning...
Sampai waktu mengatakan “the end”.


PS: I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you..

*I hope, today when you wrote “really miss your smile 8->” you thought about me, and its for me. So I can say “I miss you too...so much.”

Oktober 27, 2009

Goodbye drugs

Oktober 27, 2009

the Deed is Done

adin abi...

Banyak yang mengatakan “best thing happen when unexpected”, karena itu aku tidak menyesal [pernah] memiliki cinta itu.
The love itself is a great, most-comfortable thing that ever happened in my life, it’s a colour of my rainbow. And I won’t cry because it come to an end, but I will smile because it happened.
Aku merasa tenang saat tanganmu memelukku, berpikir bahwa inilah hidupku, pelukan ini akan selalu menjadi milikku, that is where I belong. It felt so happy, when you stared at me while I’m sleeping. I saw you crying afraid of losing me, then I said to myself “Don’t worry, I would never leave you”. I’m sorry, I couldn’t keep it.
Saat kita menyadari bahwa cinta ini tidak lagi sehat, aku hanya berdoa semoga hatiku diberi keringanan untuk melepaskanmu. Aku tak ingin berhenti menangis, aku hanya ingin melepaskanmu karena inilah yang terbaik untuk kita berdua. Our life pointed to the opposite directions.
Ini adalah hari pertama our ‘official’ break up. My nights will be back to tears and valiums, I guess i couldn’t keep myself away from those things, it already become part of my life. I never mean it when I said I wanna quit consuming those drugs. I need them to comfort me since I dont have your arms and kisses anymore. But it’s not a punishment, it just a way to get you out of my fragile heart.
I try to say my goodbye, throwing out the book and start again. Dan, aku baru menyadari bahwa kita tak pernah memiliki apapun, cinta kita pun hanyalah sesuatu yang rapuh dan mudah terbakar. Tak bisa dijadikan pondasi bangunan yang indah dan kokoh. We have nothing left. Maybe, we never had anything at all.

“Farewell to thee! But not farewell to all of my fondest thoughts of thee. Within my heart they still shall dwell.” [Shakespeare]


Don’t forget to remember me when someday you look back at this time.

-Abi-

Oktober 15, 2009

Goodbye - The Corrs

Oktober 15, 2009
I never thought one day you'd be gone,
away forever more
No one can say, no one could explain
why you were taken

Oh where are you now?
Could I get there somehow?

It's time to say goodbye
Block out the sun and pack up the sky
Don't let my tears start to make you cry
Each time I try to say my goodbye
Try to stop asking why

Tell me it's true, tell me there's something more
Another time for love
One day I'll know, one day I'll be there
Will you be waiting?

Oh where are you now?
Could I get there somehow?

It's time to say goodbye
Block out the sun and pack up the sky
Don't let my tears start to make you cry
Each time I try to say my goodbye
Try to stop asking why
Try to stop asking why... yeah...

Where are you now?
Could I get there somehow?

It's time to say goodbye
Block out the sun and pack up the sky
Don't let my tears start to make you cry
Each time I try to say my goodbye
Try to stop asking why, why
Try to say my goodbye

Oktober 14, 2009

One day in your life - Michael Jackson

Oktober 14, 2009
One day in your life
You'll remember a place
Someone touching your face
You'll come back and you'll look around, you'll . . .

One day in your life
You'll remember the love you found here
You'll remember me somehow
Though you dont need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day . . .

One day in your life
When you find that youre always waiting
For a love we used to share
Just call my name, and I'll be there

You'll remember me somehow
Though you dont need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day . . .

One day in your life
When you find that youre always lonely
For a love we used to share
Just call my name, and I'll be there
 
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